Hamlet: The Musical
by GreyFlank
Summary: A Three Act Musical Performance having been translated from the Original Klingon to Federation Standard. *Written for a LARP*


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Hamlet:The Musical

A Three Act Musical Performance having been translated from

the **Original Klingon** to Federation Standard.

To The cast:

Break their legs and feed them their own bones!

-Traditional Terran Toast translated from an Early Regional Terran Language to Klingon and then to Federation Standard

Dramatis Personae:

CLAWED DIUS,_ Merciless Ruler of D'Marq_

HAMLET, _son of the Late Ruler of D'Marq, Hamm, and nephew of the new Ruler, all of the House of Dane_

P'LOREN, _High Lord and Chamberlain_

HORE, SON OF RATIO, _friend and advisor to Hamlet_

LEARTEES, SON OF P'LOREN, _soprano_

FACELESS COURTIERS, _Sycophants all_

ROZZEN, SON OF CRANTZ, Childhood companion to Hamlet, having nearly outlived his usefullness

GUILDEN, SON OF STERN, Childhood Companion to Hamlet, having nearly outlived his usefulness

PRIEST, _Master of Arms and Advisor to King on questions of Honour_

COURT OFFICERS, _at least two_

R'NOLT, SON OF OTTO, _servant to P'Lore_n

FRAM, **SON OF SISKOH**, _soldier_

ACTING TROUPE, at least three

2 KEEPERS OF THE DEAD, _Comedic relief_

FORGED STEEL BRAUHS, _Leader of Distant Knorrwagh_

NAMELESS CAPTAIN,_ stripped of honour and attempting to overcome his disgrace._

FEDERATION AMBASSADORS, _Two lower life forms_

GR'TROUGHT, _Queen, Mother and Aunt to Hamlet_

AWFUL EEL'YA, _Daughter to P'Loren_

EMBODIMENT OF UNPAID DEBT OF HONOUR, _appearing as restless spirit of Late Ruler, Hamm_

OTHERS, Various sycophants, hanger-ons, and disposable royalty

ACT ONE

SCENE ONE

Enter Nameless Officer and Fram, two sentinels, meeting

OFFICER: Answer me, who goes there?

FRAM: Tis I, son of Siskoh, you son of a worm. I see you yet survived another night Guarding the roof from Winter's steely kiss! Defended yourself from all the snowflakes assaulting the Royal Keep, I see. Had You father such fortitude, the Late King might not have had to strip your family name from you and yours.

OFFICER: A peaceful night, it was. Damn it all they have been all peaceful nights! Peace will be the ruin of this kingdom, I say to you! Allow me to stand guard your watch that winter might steel my dishonorable life away from me all in one night, rather than inch by inch, for as such as I stand here I might as well stand here dead, for all the chance of glory and honor afforded me here.

FRAM: Beg all you like, worm. You have only your pledge to your liege and lord keeping you alive, yet no man of honor would allow himself to be the instrument of your demise, directly or otherwise. There is no animal lower than you, save perhaps a poisoner.

OFFICER: PEACE! Break thee off! That I might find an honorable death in battle! HALT! Answer me! Who goes there?

Enter Hore, Son of Ratio

HORE: Tis I, Hore, son of Ratio, and what business of it is yours, Nameless One? Why haven't you died yet?

Music starts...

OFFICER:

I am nameless.

I am faceless.

And you've got me dead to rites...

My father invaded.

My father evaded.

Yeah, he dishonored us twice...

I was stripped of my Name

stripped of all, but shame

And life, sure really bites.

But I still have my pledge

And as long as I have that edge

It will keep me warm these winter nights.

I am a living debt.

I am a pledge unkept.

Waiting for an fate to role the dice.

With my dying breath,

I'll have my Glorious Death

Even if I only battle mice

For it is honor repaid,

Retribution made,

That mark an honorable life.

But mark my words,

I may end up a meal for worms,

but of my name, the clerks will write

ALL:

"He may have been nameless

"He may have been faceless

"But he at least did his job right!"

OFFICER:

I think of no greater honour

To protect the Keep from Trauma

Even on these cold, peaceful nights.

Music ends.

FRAM: We've heard it all before. Same song every night. I should kill you for that, alone!

HORE: Cease thy prattling. I hear a distant drumming! An army marches on the Castle Keep, sound the alarm! The peace is broken and we are saved!

OFFICER: Nay, 'tis no phantom army but another kindred spirit of mine, who's mocking presence of Honorable Debt Unpaid dost dance before me these past two nights.

Enter Embodiment, step-dancing

FRAM: What the-? It is the king!

OFFICER: The DEAD King Hamm, you figure? He is more lively dead, than such one as he had been in years alive. Note ye how he dances upon the roof of the Keep?

HORE: Not an honorable death did he have. To pass away peacefully in sleep is a fate like as not to fill me with fear and wonder that my soul would dance thusly.

OFFICER: You art a Warrior-Scholar, Hore! Challenge the spirit to an honorable duel, should it fall to one such as you, surely that would be an honorable enough death for any restless spirit. It lingers now in you presence longer than it ever had in mine, for I am stripped of all honor.

HORE: Answer me! Who goes there! I raise my sword in challenge! I charge thee! SPEAK! SPEAK! SPEAK!

FRAM: 'Tis Madness, indeed! You are challenging an unarmed man! Where is the honor in that?

OFFICER: He's challenging unliving man, an opponent unafraid of death. Nay! An opponent who runs no risk of death armed or unarmed.

FRAM: Lecture me not of Honor, nameless worm!

HORE: CEASE THY DANCING! Thy frantic tapping is weapon enough, it slices thru my nerves even as I cleave you so!

Embodiment vanishes

OFFICER: May you never learn what it means to live honorably with no credit given to your honorable acts, Fram, son of Ratio! For truly, honor is what we do when no one is around to credit you so.

HORE: The restless spirit has moved on! Had I not my own sensible eyes avouch the sword slicing the ghost like so much air, I would not have believed such a tale.

FRAM: They will sing of this day, Hore!

OFFICER: Don't count thy ballads until they are penned, Mighty Hore. Behold! The spirit has returned! And with a vengeance. Or rather, a lack of one.

Embodiment returns, step dancing.

HORE: I will not be mocked from beyond the grave! If death by my hand is not an honorable enough death for ye, than perhaps a sword battle with three warriors shall be honorable enough!

They strike at the Embodiment. It leaves.

OFFICER: 'Tis gone!

But we do it wrong, methinks,

To offer it battle when no mortal sword arm can truly harm the late Ruler.

For it is, as the air, invulnerable, and our honorable intent, in vain. 'Tis all, malicious mockery.

Just as Khaless would ignore the challenge of a breeze, so does the ghost ignore those who can not give it release.

HORE: Tis won't be back. I am certain two warriors were an honorable enough second death for dead Hamm. I should face such an end when the time comes.

OFFICER: Three. Three warriors.

FRAM & HORE (in unison): TWO! TWO WARRIORS!

OFFICER: Ummmm... Ok, two warriors...

SCENE TWO

FLOURISH, Enter Clawed, Hamlet, P'Loren, Gr'Trought, and a handful of hanger-ons.

KING CLAWED: The pyre's light has fled as suddenly and as quietly as our dear Brother Hamm, did pass away.

T'was a sad funeral pyre that could not blaze to the glory of an honorable passing as song out by the fallen's kinsmen.

There should be more mirth in his passing; barely could I choke down the bloodwine a score times in his memory

T'were it not for my wedding ceremony, I shan't have bothered to crawl from my bed this morning.

GR'TROUGHT: Consider, if you will , that the bed thou shared this last week hast killed at least one king in recent memory;

T'was certainly would have been an undue risk that the future leader of D'Marq should face another such fate.

HAMLET: How kind of you, Mother, but I faced no such risk.

GR'TROUGHT: NO ONE was talking to you.

KING: Fret not my queen, save thy venom for me alone,

I may have use of such passion and fury at a later date.

Hamlet is still yet a child,

Who having a child for a father knows nothing of the bigger world.

And, speaking of children and the bigger world

Why dost Leartees linger within the Walls of D'Marq?

Dost thou require permission from thy father before passing beyond my gate?

LEARTEES: You are not yet King, thou has not yet made it to thy throne for the Queen to pass you the sword of power.

There is talk that thee might be opposed, and, in being opposed, struck down

The time for some dark duty to move he who opposes you approaches as swiftly as thy coronation

And, I confess, I would witness such dark duty done

P'LOREN: Are thou actually challenging Clawed Dius' rightful claim to the throne?

I have besseched thee to put away such traitorous thoughts, night after night.

Upon thy honor, did thy consent to my laborsome petition

H'ath my son no honour before the Queen?

LEARTEES: Nay, it is not for me to oppose thy Queen's chosen protector in all things D'Marq.

Let warriors more foolish thy I oppose the new King

(_significant look to Hamlet)_

(aside)Or those warriors so much wiser...

T'is merely not my wish to miss such spectacle that all D'Marq might rise or fall on the single thrust of a sword

Peace has tarried much to long within the gates of D'Marq, if I may say so.

KING: Indeed, the peace has lingered overly long within these wall, my loyal Leartees.

Not unlike a certain young Royal Assassin I know too well.

Yet, none here have claim to challenge me a'fore coronation, save Hamlet

How speak you on this, Hamlet?

Do you oppose thy uncle, most recently recast as your father,

In wearing the royal robes, as did your true father before him?

Music starts...

HAMLET: Oh, my father is dead...

Good King Hamm is dead...

You know how he died?

My father died in bed.

You would take his place

As should be the case

But the pyre's been burnt

And he's out of the race

So you'll simply take his wife

share the bed that took his life

Rule the land by her side

And keep the kingdom free from strife.

Well, I was the next in line.

That destiny t'was mine,

But I shan't miss it

I have bigger things in mind.

I'm removing myself from the story

Go forth and seek my Glory

I know not what awaits

But it won't be as Boring!

If you pardon my nerve

You'll get what deserve

For you married my mother

It's her you'll truly serve

So, go ahead with your little show

I'll wait, I'll watch, then Go

KING: So, you want to be king?

HAMLET: The Answer is NO!

KING: You'd rather die young than old

Live these out those epics you've been told

Have you no desire to be King?

ALL: He said the answer was NO!

HAMLET: On my honor as the son of Hamm, late King of D'Marq

On my honor as Prince of D'Marq, I shall do my best to obey you.

I give you my oath to serve you and D'Marq with my every breathe I take...

Every move I make...

KING: I'll be watching you.

GR'TROUGHT: Enough of this sweetness! Let us away to the Coronation for sooner the crown sits upon your head, the sooner it is time to eat!

ALL: FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

Exit save all but Hamlet, Enter Hore

HORE: Hail, Prince of D'Marq! I am glad to see that you have not yet drowned thy sorrows in bloodwine completely yet.

HAMLET: Merrily, the sight of you dost inspire much imbibing, but what speak you of sorrow? What sorrow should one such as I have?

My father died as he lived.

Quietly, peacably, and without undue fuss.

Ever the administrator, he died as neatly and as cleanly as he lived.

And, while I would not speak ill of my father, even his death was uninspired.

My mother, following his instructions, postmortem no doubt,

Hath wed his most loyal and equally boring brother,

Rather than wear a coat of mourning colours, I rejoice!

I am free to pursue the Glory denied my father who took the crown too early in life

Indeed, my father's death was a blessing in thin disguise

There are no loose ends to worry about, of that I take great comfort.

HORE: I would not say such, My Lord.

HAMLET: You speak of Awful Eel'ya?

Worry not for the daughter of P'Loren knows full well what to expect from a warrior in marriage

HORE: What, you're still weak for that vixen? But no, that is not my concern, Hamlet...

HAMLET: It's not that incident with Forged Steel Brauhs. A minor misunderstanding... he did not tend to favour that hand in any case and I hear the doctors in Distant Knorrwagh have great medical expertise.

HORE: You are ever the diplomat, my prince, but I speak of a Grave Concern...

HAMLET: As do I; Knorrwagh produces superior bloodwine.

HORE: And I speak of blood.

HAMLET: Ahhh, you have my full attention now! Speak more of this, old school chum.

HORE: Yesternight, I saw a vision of your father... atop the roof of the castle keep.

HAMLET: My father, the king? The dead one?

HORE: Yes! Yes!

HAMLET: Methinks you should have told me afore we burned the old man.

Ever the sound sleeper, who knew he'd sleep so tight into his own funeral pyre?

HORE: Tis not a laughing matter, my Prince...

HAMLET: Sooth! That a Klingon be so mild-mannered as to let himself burn rather than ruin his brother's ambition is indeed no laughing matter.

Speak of this to no one lest my secret shame stand revealed to all.

HORE: Nay, Hamlet, thy father lies dead in the crypt yet dost prance the rooftop each night!

Thy father's spirit hast refused to leave this mortal plane...

Through means unknown and ways beyond the natural course of things...

I know it not how nor why, but thy Father has unfinished business within these halls...

I know this be beyond normal understanding...

HAMLET: Nay, Hore, son of Ratio, I gleem a bit of truth in what you say

And I do believe I understand what my father's spirit is about...

You took the crown too early and his duties chained him to the throne

Free of the throne, freed, in fact, of all the fetters that life dost hold...

The old forgotten warrior of his youth doth crave battle and glory anew

(aside)But what I don't understand is this prancing of which you speak...

HORE: Twas our thought, too, my lord prince...

But we did offer it honorable battle, in hopes of slaking it's battlethirst...

We screamed challenges and oaths upon it and it would prance away...

We thrust our swords forward, and it would prance away...

We offer it battle most glorious, and still it--

HAMLET: I charge thee, do not use that word anon lest thy choose to test my mettle

Tis truth to say my father was not the greatest of warriors in his lifetime

But tis nigh unto treason to suggest he haunts the waking world merely to... PRANCE.

HORE: Would that you had been there to witness such a thing, my prince.

I warrent that given a chance, thy father's ghost would appear before thee

and the reason for his unexpected ambulation would be made most clear to all witness.

HAMLET: You speak most assuredly of what most would dismiss as a bottle's dream,

Should even that which you claim was fact, yet I am assured of this much,

My father's funereal pyre doth burn away that which chained his spirit to this plane

The sound of step dancing begins...

HAMLET: If it assumes my father's form and prances thusly, it cannot be my father.

I simply refuse to accept it.

I will challenge this apparition, chase it to Hell if I must.

And I charge you to keep your silence on this, lest we bring the illusion of dishonour into the keep

(aside: Prancing, indeed)

Should it return, which tis unlikely methinks.

I would have my steel test the solidity of such a pest.

The tapping gets louder.

HORE: My Prince, please come to the platform whereupon the night watch sits...

I fear the ghost hath already return.

HAMLET: So, you hear it, too, then?

What a week.... my father died in my mother's arm like some weak mewling babe.

My Uncle becomes my new father, only to insist not on war but on a _play_

Would the morning come, that I might be away from this place!

Hore, if this is some foul joke I will have your head on a pike!

HORE: I would expect as much, but come night falls and we must be away.

Exit both.

SCENE III

Enter Leartees and Awful Eelya

AWFUL: I told you, did I not that Hamlet would let the crown pass unopposed?

You have no cause for regrets

LEARTEES: Not true, with you Awful Eelya as my dear sister, I have countless causes for regret,

But thou art correct to chide my for my surprise...

Hamlet is too much like his father to upset the plans of others.

Tis not unlikely that even now he chews upon salad lest his appetites ruin the day of a bowl of Gokk!

Thou should be queen, thou could have been queen.

AWFUL: What care have I for your hopes and dreams, you schemer?

I shall have better than mere queendom,

I shall be the wife of the greatest warrior D'Marq has ever known

Compare to that, what does simple royalty offer?

LEARTEES: I asked you to influence him.

AWFUL: And, that, I most assuredly did.

Tis only I who sees the fruits of my labour

LEARTEES: We need a King like Hamlet!

We must have a warrior leading us!

A warrior who can still stand in battle!

A warrior who knows no fear!

A warrior who–

AWFUL: Who listens upon your every word as if spoken from the purest oracle?

LEARTEES: That would be good, yes.

Enter P'Loren

P'LOREN: Still, here my wayward son?

Once thy haste was thy gravest fault,

Now does the sword swing the other way?

Clawed Dius counts upon your loyalty and thy skills

Of which I see little enough of to think you over-rated in his eyes

Be wary not to disillusion him so.

Pulling his sword partially from his sheathe, Leartees steps forward

LEARTEES: This is one affair of the state that thy knows nothing of...

For your own sake, father, I wish that it remain so!

P'LOREN: HAH! Would that my back were turn'd I might mistake thee as a threat.

Leartees resheathes his sword

LEARTEES: HAH! Thou art most lucky that an attack upon you would be an attack upon Clawed Dius himself.

And, I have sworn an oath to the new king as assuredly as Hamlet himself did.

P'LOREN: AYE, just not as readily.

Now get you gone, and away

I would have private words with your sister.

LEARTEES: I take my most humble leave then

And to you, my sister, I give my most fondest wishes.

Remember well what I have said to you.

AWFUL: Consider it locked in my memory

aside: for I shall not think of it again,_ except to think less of you_

Leartees leaves

P'LOREN: What is it, my most Awful Eelya, that he hath said to you?

AWFUL: Well, if you really most know, it was my affair with Hamlet he doth speak.

P'LOREN: I did notice a sudden lack of pottery around thy bed chambers.

And thy skin has been somewhat mottled of late.

He is not the tender flower his father was.

AWFUL: No, my lord, he is not. He is a warrior in every way and I have been his conquest on many occasions

Oftimes, and perhaps as many times, he has been my conquest as well.

P'LOREN: In truth, I had hoped you would influence the Prince thusly.

He is much too green a twig to wear the crown so soon

But, I must admit, you have gone too far driving him from home

I would have him stay and be trained in the ways of politics

I must make appropriate my plans anew

AWFUL: You schemer! You are as bad as Leartees!

Did I not just tell you that Hamlet is a warrior in every way?

We are to be married and then armed as equals, placing ourselves in the battlefield of our own choosing

P'LOREN: Do you really believe that claptrap?

Music swells...

P'LOREN:He speaks of vows in his blazing yearnings

They are true as long as the fires aburning

But when fire's extinct,

Before you can blink

He won't stop and think

He'll act on instinct

While the warrior's words still hold you warmly,

His soul will be beset with undue worry

He knows you'd make a good wife

But he'll think there's more to life

And he'll create some strife

strike you as if with a knife

Of all the vows a warrior might choose for keeping

Every warrior leaves a woman to her weeping

When the fire goes out

A man's prey to doubt

In ways I can't count

That you know not about

Music fades, but does not end

AWFUL: Father your concern for my heart is much too sweet for my tastes

In truth, I do not know if I truly love him,

But I do know if I told him of that which you were just now speaking,

He'd kill you where ever he first come upon you, King be damned.

P'LOREN: Well, then, a father can wish no more for his daughter than that.

Happiness is a virtue in marriage one does not see everyday

And, certainly, not day after day after day.

I bid thee goodnight then with those thoughts.

AWFUL: Goodnight to you my father.

P'Loren exits and the music swells again

AWFUL: We speak of vows in our blazing yearnings

We know they are true as the fire's still burning

And if the fire's extinct,

Before you can blink

We won't stop and think

But rekindle the fire on instinct

While a warrior's words hold me forever warmly,

My soul won't be beset with undue worry

He knows I'd make a good wife

But that I think there's more to life

That there's always some strife

Nothing that can't be solved with a knife

Of all the vows a warrior might choose for keeping

I am one woman won't be left alone to her weeping

In all the ways that count

A woman has her clout

I'll keep the fire from going out

On this, there is no doubt

And if the fire's extinct,

Before you can blink

We won't stop and think

But rekindle the fire on instinct

SCENE IV

Enter Hamlet and Hore

HAMLET: I hear no tapping now.

Twas surely the tricky sounds the winter doth sometimes

In the form of hale or frozen rain.

HORE: The walls and floor be not wet upon the battlements, my prince.

HAMLET: How can one be so sure of walking dead and yet doubt so greatly nature's mysteries.

HORE: My apologies, my Prince, but I doubt all I do not see myself.

HAMLET: Tis true otherwise I would not believe you so readily a tale so outlandish.

HORE: I will fetch us some bloodwine to chase the winter chill

Exit Hore

HAMLET: Something is rotten with the Kingdom of D'Marq

Each mighty artery in this warriors' body tell me to go!

Go and forget this nonsense of spirits who prance upon rooftops

Yet, still I am called to bare witness to my father's fighting spirit...

A fighting spirit I did not suspect and I would give my right arm–

NAY! My life I would give to see that fighting spirit, however fleeting

Once the body hath fallen and the blood ceased to flow

For what greater battle can there be?

Enter Ghost, step dancing

HAMLET: Oh my Gods, it is true!

Stop thy prancing at once!

Ghost stops dancing and glares at Hamlet

GHOST: My hour is almost come

When I to sulph'rous and tormenting flames

Must render up myself...

HAMLET: Father... I am afraid you're a bit late...

We burned you some hours ago.

GHOST: MARK ME!

HAMLET: Indeed I have and well mark'd you were

By the pyre's loving embrace thy body twere marked most black

Indeed, thee hast been so marked beyond recognition

Scarce could I look upon thy body and not be sure I was looking upon some errant cinder

Yet, in spirit you appear to be in good health.

Perhaps now, without pressing affairs of state, you might accept my humble challenge

To arms and grab a phantom, magicked or cold forged steel sword, I care NOT

HAVE AT THEE!

Hamlet passes thru the ghost and falls on the floor.

GHOST: I am thy father's ghost

Doom'd to walk this world at night

Ne'er to touch nor to be touch

For I am no longer of this world

HAMLET: Information I could have used before I charged at thee

Why doesn't anyone ever share their secrets with me afore hand?

GHOST: Thy warrior's heart doth create pride in thy father's heart,

pile of ash that it may now be.

Thy warrior's head, on the other hand, doth leave much to be desired

Mark my words, some day thy head will not leave much desired,

Like thy cousin Marb'poq, thy head will simply leave, cleaved from thy neck.

Hamlet gets up.

HAMLET: That you are my father is no longer in doubt

You talk like a politician; with as much clarity as the greasy moat.

GHOST: Yet even the foul moat might blaze with glory with but a single spark

You my son, art honour-bound to avenge my murder most foul.

HAMLET: What? You murdered someone?

I didn't think you had it in you!

I'm so proud of you!

GHOST: Thou art surely duller than the fattest weed

That roots itself to the latrines!

Stir what few wits you would call your own and attend what I say

I can not speak direct on the course of events that doth precede my death

For as I lived as a politician, in death so must I live in torment.

Take you my meaning?

Thou art going to have to buy a clue.

HAMLET: Art thou joking?

I am still trying to get past the fact my dead father dances like a school girl.

GHOST: The mysteries of the Afterworld are not for one such as you

Except to say that I must behave in a manner not of my own choosing

Til the foul crimes done in my days of natural selection

Are burnt and purged away, but of my prison, I can say no more.

But to an affair that you must deal with

If thou ever didst thy father love...

HAMLET: Ehhh...

GHOST: REVENGE HIS MURDER!

HAMLET: You were murdered?!

Why, that's great news!

I mean, I was glad that I did not have to waste my time avenging your death

And all the political intrigue that would surely entail...

But, to think of it and speak of it...

Why dying in bed.... frankly, Father, I was embarrassed for thee...

Happily, I will avenge your death!

At the least, it shall make a great story to tell.

At the most, it shall make aq grand and glorious epic

Of which the bards and clerics will sing of _forever!_

Now, father, prey tell.

Who murdered thee?

GHOST: I can not tell thee.

HAMLET: Oh, you don't know who killed you?

What exactly was the point of all this, then?

Music begins...

GHOST: REVENGE!

Swear to avenge me!

It was murder most foul and unnatural

Murder most foul, as in the best it is

Most foul... strange and unnatural...

Tis known thy father died while sleeping

Oh, but it seemed so so natural...

But there was a snake crawling along in the shadows

A snake... strange and unnatural...

VENGEANCE!

Swear to avenge me!

It was murder most foul and unnatural

Murder most foul, as in the best it is

Most foul... strange and unnatural...

The snake crept from the shadows

Venom dripping from its fangs

It crawled within the orchard walls

A snake... after the scepter royale

REVENGE!

Swear to avenge me!

It was murder most foul and unnatural

Murder most foul, as in the best it is

Most foul... strange and unnatural...

That serpent laid with thy father's wife

With the witchcraft of his wits

And with traitorous gifts

Stole thy father's wife before the fatal blow

HONOUR DEMANDS IT

Swear to avenge me!

It was murder most foul and unnatural

Murder most foul, as in the best it is

Most foul... strange and unnatural...

The snake stung thy father

The venom delivered in a cup

From which he took his fatal sip

Murder... strange and unhonorable

Music fades

HAMLET: By my fate in my sword's blade!

Thou art saying my Mother _poisoned you_?

Ghost baps Hamlet in the head

GHOST: NO!

Thy Uncle and thy new father is the serpent of which I speak.

No warrior he to seek the throne thru honorable challenge.

The base coward used the power'd lye the slaughter house in my bloodwine night cap.

HAMLET: Merrily thou art as solid as a tree when it suits thee

But did you not sense the foreign element

You have boasted of his talent for sniffing out poisons a hundred fold?

Did you have no sense of what was afoot?

GHOST: I drank the wine from thy Mother's slippers for she and I had been in a playful mood....

HAMLET: NAY! Nay! I do not wish to hear this lest an image forms in my mind that has no business being there!

Already have I heard more than I need to hear.

GHOST: Be that as it may, afore I may pass onto the next world,

My death must be made honorable and avenged

HAMLET: Aye, and there's the rub...

Look you, without hesitation and with great show, did I pledge myself before the new king

Both to the new king and D'Marq have I pledged, for they are one and the same

Thou can not ask me to renounce my pledge and oath and take dishonour upon our house.

Enter Officer

OFFICER: Thou must honor thy father and thy house lest the murder discovered

And thy fate sealed as mine, nameless and guarding mouse

The Kingdom of D'Marq would stand

The House of D'Marq would fall

HAMLET: Hath thee been within earmark to the conversation b'twixt dead father and son?

OFFICER: Aye, witnessed it all I have

HAMLET: Never to speak of this that you have seen and heard

Swear by my sword.

OFFICER: My Lord, touched I am that you would accept the word of a nameless soul, stripped of all honour, as I.

Hamlet plunges sword into officer

HAMLET: Good point, groundling.

Touched, indeed, you have been by my sword

Your witness giving no voice, my dead father,

A shameful deed untold is no shame, indeed.

No one mourns your death, save yourself

Nothing can convince me to avenge a death so long overdue.

Ghost begins step dancing

HAMLET: What are you doing...?

That will avail you not, tis merely...

Stop that...

STOP, I command thee!

Ghost begins to sound like Riverdance

HAMLET: CEASE THY PRANCING!!!

Stop! I swear to avenge you?!

You got what you wanted,

I said I will avenge you, you perverted sprite!

Ghost stops tap-dancing

GHOST: You swear to avenge me?

HAMLET: Still thy dancing feet, I beg of you!

I swear I will set things right!

Ghost Exits, Hore enters, looks at dead officer

HORE: Here be thy bloodwine straight from thy father's private stock,

Just as we used to sneak it for ourselves as schoolchums

Oh, so many years ago.

Hamlet looks at the wine, takes both cups from Hore and pours it on the dead officer

HORE: Have I missed something, my lord?

HAMLET: Nothing at all.

A sudden craving have I for mead and raw sweetbreads, that's all.

Let us go to the pub together.

Both exit

end of Act One,_ fade to black_


End file.
